There is something that we all need to recognize in our marriages that exists in every relationship and unfortunately it is not good! What I am talking about is “unforgiveness”, Don’t think that your are exempt. Everytime my husband and I life-coach a couple this is one of the early issues we uncover and it is always a major factor for them. Many people think that unforgiveness comes from something major that has happened to them so they can’t forgive, however, it comes in all sizes from little to big. The problem with it is that we don’t communicate with our spouse about it and it begins to build and eventually turns into bitterness which is very ugly! You see, unforgiveness and bitterness have no place in our marriage relationship. If it doesn’t exist in your relationship with the Lord, then it isn’t supposed to exist in our marriage. (Remember from my past blogs how I covered how important marriage is to the Lord? I mean He did create it immediately after He was done with creation! Read Gen. 2:18
Jesus “died” a gruesome, horrific, unfathomable death so we could be forgiven for all the wrong we have/will ever do, so what gives us the right to harbor and feed and nuture unforgiveness in our marriage when we are supposed to live free from that junk? Oh yes I know, we are humans and we get hurt so we get to hold grudges, NOT! That is a lie from the devil to keep you in bondage to bitterness so you become his slave and make you miserable in every thing about your life (read John 10:10a and 1 Peter 5:8). Do you know someone who seems to never be happy about anything and always finds something wrong with everything or just has a negative perspective in their life? I guarantee you that the root of that is unforgiveness turned to bitterness and has tainted their heart to all that is good. I believe we all know someone like this. Maybe it’s you!?
The unforgiveness/bitterness in a persons life can so quickly grow out of control and overwhelm to a point that it is unrecognizable because it becomes a persons everyday way of life. Sometimes the unforgiveness may not be toward your spouse, it could involve someone else that you are not willing to forgive but it is affecting your marriage whether you see it or not. It is a poison that is gonna hurt YOU, not the other person. This unforgiveness has to stop, especially in our marriage! It says in Phil.3:13b “…Forgetting what is BEHIND and straining toward the future.”, and Psalm 103:12 “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” These verses are not suggestions, they come from the mouth of God and are meant for us TO DO not just read!
Your probably thinking that noone knows how bad your’ve been hurt or what’s been said/done to you, well, Jesus does! He sees your hurt and your pain and He knows exactly how you feel, remember He took on all the ugly and disgusting sins of everyone of us and all the brutality and slander of those who didn’t believe who He was and nailed it all on the cross so WE can be free of all of it! WE ARE FREE!!!!!!!!
Unforgiveness keeps you a prisoner locked in a place where your life cannot be lived with peace and joy and happiness. Forgiveness allows you to be free and to love and be loved. Don’t you see it is so much better and worth it to let go of grudges and bitterness, that’s what living a life to the fullest is all about. The forgiveness is for YOU, not the other person and the transformation that will take place in your heart and the way you live your life will be remarkable! My husband and I have life coached quite a few who will testify to that fact!
Since I am partial to marriages let me say that your marriage cannot function in unforgiveness! Marriage is the closest relationship to the heart of God besides your personal relationship with Him, and because of that reason alone, if we say we love the Lord, we need to give Him our best at working out the junk in our relationship with our spouse. Yes it’s work, but the Bible doesn’t promise us “easy”! We make our marriages challenging by our choices, not God’s!
Forgiving is hard to do and especially for those who have been unforgiving for so long. If your saying “I can’t forgive” or “I don’t know how to forgive” well you are exactly right about that, you can’t in your own strength; there is only one way to do it and that is thru Jesus!!! It takes you making the first step to lay it at His feet and opening up your heart to let Him start the work! It’s worth it!
(Below are verses you can read on Unforgiveness/Forgiveness)
Mark 11:25 Ephesians 4:26-27 Proverbs 24:17
Matthew 6:14-15 Ephesians 4:29, 32 James 1:19-20
Hebrews 12:14 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 John 8:32
Matthew 6:12 Colossians 3:12-13 1 John 4:20
1 Peter 5:7-8 Colossians 2:8 John 3:16
1 Corinthians 14:33 Romans 12:19